3 Reasons You’re Still Single 💔
👩❤️👨 So, you went on a Bumble date with someone you were interested in. The jokes landed, and you guys talked about everything from your jobs to your favorite vacation destinations. It was great! But then, he ghosted you. He didn't text you back or return your calls. What went wrong? 😔
🤔 You might be thinking that it was just bad luck or that there is something wrong with all the men you've dated. Maybe you’re not a supermodel, but you're not unattractive either. You have interests, hobbies, and you try to take care of yourself by eating well and exercising. So, what's the problem? Why are you still single? 🤷♀️
💔 Well, to put it bluntly, if you keep finding yourself single and you have no idea why guys lose interest, then remember this life-changing phrase, “life is just feedback”. Stated even more bluntly: it's not them; it's you.🤯
👉I hope you let me share with you some harsh truths about why some women (and men) are always single and don't want to be.
1️⃣ Your confidence is not where it needs to be
If you consider yourself a ‘people-pleaser’, and tend to place people’s worth above yours - then this will apply to you. If you start truly valuing yourself, others will as well.
The respect and admiration you receive from others is proportional to the respect you give to yourself.💯If you're not giving yourself the respect you deserve, then no-one else will, either. But if you take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically, then that will attract people.
People will naturally gravitate towards you because they see that you value and take care of yourself. Remember, self-love is not selfish, it's necessary.
💪 Try it out for a month. Focus on yourself. Exercise regularly, eat well, and get plenty of sleep. Work hard and set goals for yourself. Be social and surround yourself with positive people. Kick those bad habits to the curb.
Share your thoughts and feelings without worry of how it lands or approval seeking. Express yourself freely and without fear of judgment. Be generous with others without expecting anything in return.
Don't let negative self-talk or the opinions of others bring you down. And when faced with rejection, don't take it personally.💪
😣 I realize it's not easy, but that's kind of the point. Being an emotionally functional human adult is a difficult endeavor. But if you want to date an emotionally functional human adult, then you need to be one yourself. 🤯
2️⃣ Take a close look at your expectations
As a dating coach, I’ve noticed two new dating stereotypes that have emerged recently.
1. One is…🧔 The man who brings little to the dating table. He might be overweight, balding, underemployed, socially awkward, unclean, and whose apartment is decorated with a collection of original, mint-condition Star Wars action figures (all in fighting poses). His weekends are spent with video games and internet porn, and sadly he has not worked on being the best version of himself (nor, does he realize he needs to). Yet, he’s constantly disappointed that the women he is interested in are unable to appreciate all of his “exceptional qualities”. As a result, he determines that there must be something fundamentally wrong with women in general and he grows more and more resentful.
2. Two is… 👩💼 The smart, stylish, attractive, 30-something, career woman who wants to settle down, and has plenty of dates lined up, but finds flaws in all of them. She but expects to date someone who brings EVERYTHING to the dating table. I call this suffering from BBD (always looking for the Bigger, Better Deal).
The man believes he can date anyone, despite lacking any desirable qualities in a romantic or sexual relationship. And the woman brings something to the table but expects someone who brings everything.
Both have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating.
This an example of the two types of delusional expectations when it comes to dating: those who expect perfection in others and those who expect others to acknowledge their perfection.
I see these occurrences manifest in various ways in both genders. For example: a woman who was overweight and unhealthy but insisted on dating men with six-pack abs, resulting in her being single.
Similarly, years ago I had a colleague that ended a relationship with a woman he liked because he disagreed with her taste in movies.
It's vital to start appreciating and accepting people's imperfections and also work on appreciating and improving your own. If you don't, you'll end up feeling bitter, resentful and very lonely.
3️⃣ Your EQ (emotional quotient) skills need sharpening OR you’re sabotaging emotional connections
Are you tired of going on dates that never seem to turn into anything more? 🤔 Well, let me tell you, being a great "on paper" dater just isn't enough. Sure, you may have all the right qualities: good looks, a great job, interesting hobbies, and all the right conversation topics, but if you haven't developed the skills for intimacy, then you're missing out on the real connection that creates lasting relationships.
👉 Dating and finding a partner isn't just about going through the motions, it's an emotional process. You need to be willing to engage with your emotions and connect on a deeper level. It's like playing a piano concerto - you can hit all the right notes, but without the emotion behind it, it's just a performance.
💕 To generate real emotional intimacy, you need to be willing to take emotional risks and be vulnerable. It may not always be comfortable, but it's necessary to share your opinions, values, and true self to connect with someone on a deeper level.
👀 In our culture, relationships are often treated as just another item on a checklist, but true intimacy is something that can't be forced or filled in like a resume. It's a personal and unconscious connection that can only be generated by being open to your own emotions and values.
🤗 So don't be afraid to open up and connect on a deeper level, because true intimacy is worth the risk. 💖